Day 334 of 365: A nap

Nothing particularly special today. i did text Dad to appreciate what he did over the years. This was something that Mom advised me to do, so not being a fool, i listened and followed that advice.

i was really tired for some reason and the coffee didn't quite kick in for me. Don't know if it's the roast that i picked, which was Irish Cream. Either way, today felt like a long day at work, but once it was over, i did what i had to do for my parents and delivered an invitation to one guest.

Came home and i rested. It was warm, so i needed to cool off for a short while before working on other stuff. Started some and thought through a couple, but at around 5pm, i found myself really sleepy and that's where i took a nap. Woke up almost three hours later and it's dinner time. Amos offered to order dinner and he got our favorite: Indian. i know Annie doesn't like it, but she'll have to let me indulge in it once in a while.

After dinner, i called Annie to clarify some questions that i have for the wedding schedule. Good to always be on the same page of things. That's part of communication and everyone needs it. Right now, i just want to finish off the slide show...

Day 333 of 365: Suffering cease

i was oddly stressed out today and almost feel like i'm in a state of depression. This isn't good. i've been through an event like this before and at this point in my life, i regard moments such as this distasteful. i've hurt many with this, hurt myself. Thoughts of self-worth seem to wane into a hole that looks more like a black dot on the ground. Pitch black and hollow. One escape that seem to work was to physically exert myself to the point of exhaustion. However, today is different. The picture of a punching bag was occupying my thoughts and i wonder if it's a call to impulse shopping. Then the rational side kicks in and ask where it would go in an already cramped apartment? Hey, maybe the wall? The person leaning against it? Nah... i'm more mature than that. These were the thoughts in my head all day at work.

Coming home, i sought temporal relief from shooting online representations of others on Modern Warfare. Not the same satisfaction as that of exercises. Did it work? Don't think so. For a good amount of time, i just didn't want to do anything or interact with anyone. Nothing.

That is until i moved myself to the computer and logged on to Gmail. That's where i chat with Annie for the few hours of her work. i know i had tons to work on, but several i couldn't because of the lack of resources. Annie saved me by offering materials that i needed and would receive shortly after dinner.

Dinner...well, i wanted spam. Crispy spam. So i sliced spam as thin as i could possibly cut and pan fried them. Soaked the oil from the hot paper thin processed meat and let it dry to a nice crisp. This is the cheap alternative to bacon, but not quite the same. Instant ramen was on the menu that would fit the spam and i made eggs to accompany them.

Took a shower after getting the materials from Annie and did some laundry. Finished what i wanted to do, but got obstructed by confusion on one item. Something that i would have to consult with Annie first. Then my Dad called...

i feel...sad...that it somehow feels like the relationship between my Dad and i is different now. i don't know if it's the lack of time that we spent with each other or the scary thought of the lack of quality time with quality bonding that is missing. Conversations are dry because it's the same thing and it feels like he would, some times, not get the 100% of what i'm saying to him. Am i not speaking clearly to him or my words are too big for him to understand? Is he too stressed out to even listen to me? What's up with this?

Some times i feel like giving up in life. Tired of trying to do what i like to do, what i want to do. Thinking that life means nothing. That's where heaven sounds so good right now. Enfield's "Arrived" feels what i'm thinking. All tears are gone and suffering cease...

Day 332 of 365: Auto-pilot mode

Had to play bass this morning, which was sort of scary since i haven't had the time to practice with the rest of the team. Regardless, i know that God will always be the one that will make it happen for His glory sake. At the end, it was finished, not perfectly, but with the heart to play. The speaker was a English Pastor candidate. It was cool to finally meet this man and hear another teacher speak. The main idea: Obedience, which is one of the hardest things to do for anyone... Good lesson for the week.

Annie and i then went around town, but we first went home and rest...like really rest or semi-nap. After that, we went to Quizno's for lunch and a quick trip to Michael's for art materials. Not long after, we head back to Annie's to get ready for a photo shoot with Annie's co-worker, Stephanie. The photo shoot took 3 hours long and i know that i was pretty tired, so it was going to be a long day. For some reason, it didn't feel like it was a long day. Everything worked out great and, in what seem like a flash, we were on our way home.

i wasn't up for much after the shoot. i was in what i call, "Auto-pilot mode". This is a mood where i was up for anything and my mind would be running on a semi-aware consciousness. With that, i stayed at Annie's for dinner and spent some time there before heading home. i really wasn't completely there, but Annie was and that was all i need at that moment. Thank God for companionship.

Day 331 of 365: Pepto Bismol

i woke up cranky. i don't know if i was hungry in the morning or my mind was else where. i think it's just some where else. When Annie and i were heading for dancing lessons, i was not thinking about the time that it was meant to start at 10am. In my mind, it was set at 10:30am. After that, dancing was like i forgot most of the steps and i had to learn everything again. i managed to pick everything up again and learn new stuff. Not too bad at the end. Pretty fun stuff!

Annie and i wanted to get noodles, specifically pho. Had a hard time looking for parking, but we got a spot eventually. On our way down to PPQ, we saw the new ramen place and decided to go for it. Not too bad, though there are some flaws. Check out my yelp review if you're curious as to what that is.

Went to Hillsdale mall after. Annie was looking for jewelry and other stuff. i was...looking around. Couple interesting things like Converse shoes and nice jackets from Banana Republic. Didn't feel like i need to get it though...

We then rushed to Safeway to get pasta, bell peppers and chicken strips for a pesto pasta salad that we wanted to make for the BSF leaders dinner. The dinner went well. Caught up with all my brothers from BSF leadership and we shared a lot of stories from the period between our meetings. Strangely, i had stomach problems and had to use the bathroom badly. Not good. i came home going to the bathroom again. Sucks...but Thank God for Pepto Bismol!

Day 330 of 365: Crazy world

Whoa, i just remembered that my job is ending...again...next Tuesday. i did find a job on Craigslist that i know i can do and since stay in the medical arena, so i sent in my resume. Really hope that i get it, but i'll stay on the prowl for another listing.

Anyway, after work, i had a lot to do. Went to the post office to send another invitation out, dropped by a hardware store for a scale and drove to Sunset Super for groceries and to Quizno's for lunch. i still crave bacon and i don't think it's going to subside. Got a roast beef, bacon and cheddar torpedo. $4 for it and that's a good deal!

Came home to eat my sub and chill for a short while before i have to head out again to send a book sale out. It was a quick trip there and back, but i stopped by the Odyssey, which was parked on the streets and i moved it over to the driveway. Supposedly, Janet was going to come and pick it up for her move.

Back at home, i continued to work on a couple of things before i took a break. Oh, that right! Before heading out for my postal run, i did some cooking. Chili: round 2! This time, it's with pork along with the beef. Added celery and onions too. Cooking method was by slow cooker instead of a regular pot. Good thing about using a slow cooker is that it won't burn at the bottom. Just letting it simmer to hearty goodness.

Annie came over for dinner and we had the chili. The sun came up towards the middle of the afternoon and that sort of threw the purpose of the chili. Doesn't matter either way. We practice our dancing after dinner and then chatted while watching "What would you do". Interesting show that is definitely a way to bring up controversial topics in real life situations. Crazy world...

Day 329 of 365: Real fruit

The work day started at noon today, but i got up anyway to have breakfast and decided to spend time in devotions. i found it refreshing, but also very much...convicting. Convicting because it spoke strongly about the way i am now and how hard i have been to people in general. Becoming a man of little grace than a man of love. Too quickly did i make judgment on others and too fast was i conformed to the world's interests. i know i'm not to be in too deep in the world, but i lost sight of what matters most.

Anyway, i know what must be done.

It was cold today and a cold walk back home it was. Since i worked in the afternoon, i didn't have much time to work on stuff before heading out for dinner with Eric. Everything that could be done was done, but there is more to work on. Before i left for dinner, i got another sale on Half.com, so that needs attention. Invitations to last minute guests that needs to go out tomorrow, but at least they are prepped and ready to go. Sigh... Weddings are a big deal, but in some instances, it shouldn't be.

Well, dinner was good with Eric. We were to a local tavern for beers and pub food, pretty much. It was great to catch up with Eric. i really miss the times that we spent in the past and i know that work, and life in general, had us tied down. In some way, friendships are a lot like plants. Plants need attention and love. i have a strawberry plant that i got for a dollar at Target and many times i've neglected it, but managed to spend time to water it. It almost wither one time, but thankfully, after watering it, it rose back up again. No strawberries yet, but like all friendships, it needs time to bear the real fruit. Just how patient we are to seek it...well, that's up to you.

Day 328 of 365: Fog crazy

This morning was going to be one important event! Well, it's a short moment, but it's important! This morning, Annie and i went to get our marriage license! Annie was pretty nervous about it and, of course, when it comes to city stuff, it might just take a while. Surprisingly to the both of us, it didn't take as long as we thought it would. Less than half an hour and we were out the door!

After that short, but essential moment, i drove Annie around to do some quick errands and we picked up lunch at La Boulangerie. Simple sandwich, but so good i could eat another!

For the rest of the afternoon, i did some research on my Physical Therapy education and made some phone calls. The first call was a bit of a disappointment. No volunteers, but they gave some great advice! i called other major hospitals and there are potential centers that i could get my volunteer hours. At least everyone i talked to was helpful.

Teresa, a friend from old days, called Annie and i out to dinner with other friends to catch up and say our farewells to Amy. It was a great dinner at Park Chow. So hungry during the evening until the food came and i slowly enjoyed it. Aww! Fish tacos are amazing! Love them!

Oh, the fog came back! Yay! i can be fog crazy some times...