For some reason, I've been in too much thought. Too much negativity. I don't know where it might have started, but I think I know where to look at. Well, I shouldn't look into the past and play the pointing game, but perhaps work, or the world in general, have revealed the worst in me. Either way, lots of prayer is needed.
Pleasant surprise today after lunch! Annie was around the neighborhood and my boss was kind enough to let me hang out with her for a while. She was at the HSBC bank near my work and I was grateful to spend some time with her for that short while. I think we both need it. We later met up for dinner at Jimi-san. Almost went to that Singaporean/Malaysian restaurant on Clement, but I didn't because of my reservations on Singaporean food in American (the one cuisine they can't improve or nail).
Putting some logical thought into this, Annie and I are not meant to have periods of separation. Good or bad, you decide, but this is what we need. Don't like it? Well, pray then!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Day 97 of 365: Prayers begin
[This is Jeremy speaking his mind]
Am I heartless? Or did I harden my heart just to be strong enough to take on the world? To toughen up so that people won't step on me? What ever happened to the Jeremy that was fun-loving and compassionate, as some would describe me as such, and who is this person staring back at me in front of the mirror? Sometimes I think I'm too easily influenced. Even now, I ask God who I am... Am I Job, who goes through every possible suffering and still kept his faith? Am I Moses, who has to deal with faithless people and bears the burden of many? I know I'm neither one of them, though their lives can be an inspiration to mine.
Today felt like an emotional roller coaster. I don't know where all these emotions came from... Maybe I just need time to purge all my thoughts...
Having been praying much...
Devotions feeling dry, even though BSF is there to guide...
Discouraged by the world's intention for self-gain...
Worry about those around me...
Almost feel like I'm conditioned for self-helplessness...
Emotions are not my masters and they have no rational leader...
God, please take control...
Jesus, thy words comfort me...
It all comes down to this...Jesus is my brother, my Savior, counselor, wonderful, all powerful, all knowing, compassionate, loving, caring, the guide of my life, the light of my world, peace giver, faithful friend, strong tower, reveals my convictions, solid leader, my King, my captain, Shepard of His elected...
That's what I'm called to be. I live to serve Him. I live to be like Him. I do so because He did all the impossible in order for the impossible to be done in me. We all need Jesus to rule our lives. Without a guide, who is able to walk in a world of darkness.
I know lately, I've been cold... I know it because I have been cold to a lot of people. That includes people at work, church, family and yes, even my fiance, whom I love dearly. I am convince that I need to step up and not step aside from what I claim to believe in. That's the worst I could do to myself and to others. I also know that I've become more selfish, but I pray that it is not because I've been selfless for so long and I want to turn the tables so I can be selfish myself. I know I lack much in life and want more, but in this case, the lacking is of spiritual in nature. I know where I must go...into the company of my Lord...
[Thoughts end, prayers begin]
Am I heartless? Or did I harden my heart just to be strong enough to take on the world? To toughen up so that people won't step on me? What ever happened to the Jeremy that was fun-loving and compassionate, as some would describe me as such, and who is this person staring back at me in front of the mirror? Sometimes I think I'm too easily influenced. Even now, I ask God who I am... Am I Job, who goes through every possible suffering and still kept his faith? Am I Moses, who has to deal with faithless people and bears the burden of many? I know I'm neither one of them, though their lives can be an inspiration to mine.
Today felt like an emotional roller coaster. I don't know where all these emotions came from... Maybe I just need time to purge all my thoughts...
Having been praying much...
Devotions feeling dry, even though BSF is there to guide...
Discouraged by the world's intention for self-gain...
Worry about those around me...
Almost feel like I'm conditioned for self-helplessness...
Emotions are not my masters and they have no rational leader...
God, please take control...
Jesus, thy words comfort me...
It all comes down to this...Jesus is my brother, my Savior, counselor, wonderful, all powerful, all knowing, compassionate, loving, caring, the guide of my life, the light of my world, peace giver, faithful friend, strong tower, reveals my convictions, solid leader, my King, my captain, Shepard of His elected...
That's what I'm called to be. I live to serve Him. I live to be like Him. I do so because He did all the impossible in order for the impossible to be done in me. We all need Jesus to rule our lives. Without a guide, who is able to walk in a world of darkness.
I know lately, I've been cold... I know it because I have been cold to a lot of people. That includes people at work, church, family and yes, even my fiance, whom I love dearly. I am convince that I need to step up and not step aside from what I claim to believe in. That's the worst I could do to myself and to others. I also know that I've become more selfish, but I pray that it is not because I've been selfless for so long and I want to turn the tables so I can be selfish myself. I know I lack much in life and want more, but in this case, the lacking is of spiritual in nature. I know where I must go...into the company of my Lord...
[Thoughts end, prayers begin]
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Day 96 of 365: Remember always
BSF started today for the second half of our study of John's Gospel. I have to say that tonight's turnout seem like the lowest we have ever seen. Had a couple students on the Children Program side drop out, which isn't encouraging, but what can we do? I say pray!
I have been thinking about Pat for the most part of the evening...I get this from time to time, thinking about the good times when we hung out with friends. Laughing away the night...eating and drinking...playing games...football... Pat's passing felt like it impacted a lot of lives, if not in an indirect way. Certainly feel like it change the way I see things. One such thing is the expectation of death. It will happen to everyone, we just don't know when. I think I was pretty banged up with Pat that I want to prepare myself to be able to take another person's death with the comfort of knowing where they are going. The truth is...I will never be fully prepared. I think about my parents, my siblings, Annie, friends... I'll never be fully ready to see them go because I have not fully shared my life with them. I do hope for my parents to live long to see their grandchildren. To have my siblings around to talk about days of old. To remember the dumb and cool days with my friends. Most importantly, I want to live life with my wife. The recent passing of a pastor that was significant to my family made me realize this.
Remember always...family is important.
I have been thinking about Pat for the most part of the evening...I get this from time to time, thinking about the good times when we hung out with friends. Laughing away the night...eating and drinking...playing games...football... Pat's passing felt like it impacted a lot of lives, if not in an indirect way. Certainly feel like it change the way I see things. One such thing is the expectation of death. It will happen to everyone, we just don't know when. I think I was pretty banged up with Pat that I want to prepare myself to be able to take another person's death with the comfort of knowing where they are going. The truth is...I will never be fully prepared. I think about my parents, my siblings, Annie, friends... I'll never be fully ready to see them go because I have not fully shared my life with them. I do hope for my parents to live long to see their grandchildren. To have my siblings around to talk about days of old. To remember the dumb and cool days with my friends. Most importantly, I want to live life with my wife. The recent passing of a pastor that was significant to my family made me realize this.
Remember always...family is important.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day 95 of 365: Too Americanized
Going to work after a four day weekend sucks! Well, it shouldn't because I haven't been working long. As a matter of fact, I should appreciate all the blessings I get from this job: brushing my Chinese up, get a decent paycheck, and make connections with people. Complain, I will not! Especially when my previous job sucked more... way more!
So a cool thing was having lunch with my family. Kristy couldn't make it for some reason, but it's cool. Next time maybe. We had Thai food and this time we tried something a little different from the usual fare of single plated food. I'll not bore you with details, so moving on!!
I wanted to get back into jogging and the whole getting back into the right shape deal... Almost did it if the weather wasn't that cold and if the sun didn't go down that fast. I was supposed to jog with Amos, but we'll schedule something this Wednesday. Prayerfully hope that we'll come through... I'm starting to feel too Americanized...
So a cool thing was having lunch with my family. Kristy couldn't make it for some reason, but it's cool. Next time maybe. We had Thai food and this time we tried something a little different from the usual fare of single plated food. I'll not bore you with details, so moving on!!
I wanted to get back into jogging and the whole getting back into the right shape deal... Almost did it if the weather wasn't that cold and if the sun didn't go down that fast. I was supposed to jog with Amos, but we'll schedule something this Wednesday. Prayerfully hope that we'll come through... I'm starting to feel too Americanized...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Day 94 of 365: Wedding stuff
I think playing for the Mandarin service might help improve much of my Chinese in general. How it might work out, it's entirely up to the Lord.
Overall, the service was good. Pastor Mike played a track from the Black Eyed Peas, which was cool. Can't remember the title for the song, but it goes, "Where is the love", in the chorus. Maybe that's what it's called. And if it is, I say it's really funny! Using the song in the message really helped reinforced the main idea for the year of 2010. Where is the love, people? So much hatred, so little love. And the worst might just be the fact that the proper origin of love, the church, is slowly fading.
Anyway, had quick burger lunch with the youth before meeting up with Annie. We went to Belly burger. Reminded me of Sliders at Westlake.
My time with Annie was spent in Serramonte. The main objective was to purchase a Sarah Brightman CD for her dad after the Susan Boyle gift failed. I was tempted so many times to get something from Gamestop, but so many more voices keep telling me 'no'. Doesn't matter now actually... Man, we need to find cheap Wiimotes...
We went home and played Mario before we left for dinner. Failed countless times, thanks to my gung-ho-charge-through-the-map eagerness. Left Annie behind so many times, or hindered her jumps, or killed myself at the wrong time... Oh, Mario... We switched games to 'Cooking Mama'. I thought it was okay when I first bought it, but now, I realized that the instructions they "gave" us for each cooking step was either vague or non-existent. That was sort of a failure too, but it's okay.
Dinner was at Fung Wong right by the Hickey exit. There was some crazy gathering there, but thankfully, it was coming towards the end of it. Never saw so many people in this restaurant before! The food wasn't like the night before. Maybe it's me slowly getting sick of Chinese... Hope not...
We came home after and discussed wedding stuff. I felt useless in that discussion, but that's probably because I didn't have much to think about...or I don't know what to think...
Overall, the service was good. Pastor Mike played a track from the Black Eyed Peas, which was cool. Can't remember the title for the song, but it goes, "Where is the love", in the chorus. Maybe that's what it's called. And if it is, I say it's really funny! Using the song in the message really helped reinforced the main idea for the year of 2010. Where is the love, people? So much hatred, so little love. And the worst might just be the fact that the proper origin of love, the church, is slowly fading.
Anyway, had quick burger lunch with the youth before meeting up with Annie. We went to Belly burger. Reminded me of Sliders at Westlake.
My time with Annie was spent in Serramonte. The main objective was to purchase a Sarah Brightman CD for her dad after the Susan Boyle gift failed. I was tempted so many times to get something from Gamestop, but so many more voices keep telling me 'no'. Doesn't matter now actually... Man, we need to find cheap Wiimotes...
We went home and played Mario before we left for dinner. Failed countless times, thanks to my gung-ho-charge-through-the-map eagerness. Left Annie behind so many times, or hindered her jumps, or killed myself at the wrong time... Oh, Mario... We switched games to 'Cooking Mama'. I thought it was okay when I first bought it, but now, I realized that the instructions they "gave" us for each cooking step was either vague or non-existent. That was sort of a failure too, but it's okay.
Dinner was at Fung Wong right by the Hickey exit. There was some crazy gathering there, but thankfully, it was coming towards the end of it. Never saw so many people in this restaurant before! The food wasn't like the night before. Maybe it's me slowly getting sick of Chinese... Hope not...
We came home after and discussed wedding stuff. I felt useless in that discussion, but that's probably because I didn't have much to think about...or I don't know what to think...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 93 of 365: Wake-up call
Outline:
1) Meeting for Summer missions
2) Meeting for Dating Series
3) Meeting for Retreat
That pretty much sums up my morning. At least it was productive...
I spent the rest of the afternoon at home until Annie came over, which was good timing because just as my parents and I left for Stonestown to take Kristy shopping, Amos came back with Annie. Perfect! So we went to Stonestown for a while. At least for Annie and I, we had some business to take care of. Top secret, but no worries, nothing serious.
After having 2/3 of the day gone, we prepared to head down to Menlo Park to meet up with Bill. Katy met us at my place and we carpooled down to Bill's. Didn't take long for us to arrive and not too long after, Bill drove us to a cool Vietnamese restaurant that serve actual Vietnamese food. Nothing like the ones in SF. Mostly rice paper stuff, but the meat and fish that were served there was good! The dinner was mainly just to catch up with Bill and see how he's doing. Caught up with stories of his trip to Vietnam, Cambodia, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Malaysia and Singapore. Yeah, this guy pretty much toured the whole Southeast Asia! Good times recorded!
We headed back to his apartment where we saw pictures and videos of his adventures. Man, if a picture can spell a thousand words, what would a video do? Lots of good laughs, but also lots of revelation from the mission that he took for Cambodia. Really does show that we have it good in America. Say that you might be struggling with a minimal wage job, but people elsewhere are working at a lower wage... Wake-up call...
1) Meeting for Summer missions
2) Meeting for Dating Series
3) Meeting for Retreat
That pretty much sums up my morning. At least it was productive...
I spent the rest of the afternoon at home until Annie came over, which was good timing because just as my parents and I left for Stonestown to take Kristy shopping, Amos came back with Annie. Perfect! So we went to Stonestown for a while. At least for Annie and I, we had some business to take care of. Top secret, but no worries, nothing serious.
After having 2/3 of the day gone, we prepared to head down to Menlo Park to meet up with Bill. Katy met us at my place and we carpooled down to Bill's. Didn't take long for us to arrive and not too long after, Bill drove us to a cool Vietnamese restaurant that serve actual Vietnamese food. Nothing like the ones in SF. Mostly rice paper stuff, but the meat and fish that were served there was good! The dinner was mainly just to catch up with Bill and see how he's doing. Caught up with stories of his trip to Vietnam, Cambodia, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Malaysia and Singapore. Yeah, this guy pretty much toured the whole Southeast Asia! Good times recorded!
We headed back to his apartment where we saw pictures and videos of his adventures. Man, if a picture can spell a thousand words, what would a video do? Lots of good laughs, but also lots of revelation from the mission that he took for Cambodia. Really does show that we have it good in America. Say that you might be struggling with a minimal wage job, but people elsewhere are working at a lower wage... Wake-up call...
[Make-up] Day 92 of 365: Xbox Elite
So now I'm writing my first post of the new year on my iPod. On top of that, it's not even on the first day because I just got back from time spent with Eric. His brother, Kevin, just got himself an Xbox Elite. What's so special about? It's black. Yup, that's pretty much it. Every other function can be bought, but the black casing isn't. Anyway, I pretty much hung out with him for the good part of the evening. God knows I need it...
In the start of the day, I went to Koi Palace to pick up dim sum for brunch. My dad came along to order the food while I either park or wait in the car. I chose the former. Amos and Kristy were still asleep, so just the parents and I had the first dips of the day. It was good to have another meal with my parents. God knows how long I have with them.
The rest of the day was eay-going. I managed to fall asleep myself for some reason, but it was only in short periods of 10 minutes. I don't know why I was tired at that moment... Well, I was about to head out to do some outdoor cleaning and that's when it started to rain. I was disappointed at myself, but I know I have to make it up somehow... After being trapped at home, I just start on
my BSF homework. Very refreshing to get that going again. Still doesn't change the fact that serving in leadership doesn't feel the same. I just feel like I need to lighten my load for now.
Went to dinner at Cafe Bakery with my family. Good HK food.
[Story continues at paragraph 1]
In the start of the day, I went to Koi Palace to pick up dim sum for brunch. My dad came along to order the food while I either park or wait in the car. I chose the former. Amos and Kristy were still asleep, so just the parents and I had the first dips of the day. It was good to have another meal with my parents. God knows how long I have with them.
The rest of the day was eay-going. I managed to fall asleep myself for some reason, but it was only in short periods of 10 minutes. I don't know why I was tired at that moment... Well, I was about to head out to do some outdoor cleaning and that's when it started to rain. I was disappointed at myself, but I know I have to make it up somehow... After being trapped at home, I just start on
my BSF homework. Very refreshing to get that going again. Still doesn't change the fact that serving in leadership doesn't feel the same. I just feel like I need to lighten my load for now.
Went to dinner at Cafe Bakery with my family. Good HK food.
[Story continues at paragraph 1]
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